Releasing the Victim Mindset

I had my issues when I was young. I struggled with depression, introversion and fears as a child, teenager and young adult. Growing up in a dysfunctional way made me believe the world was a bad place, and that I needed to protect myself at all costs. It created a belief that life was a battleground, especially with those I love, or at least, with those I lived with or spent the bulk of my time with.

Once I left home, and got out on my own, those feelings started to subside a little. I started very slowly and gradually to find myself. Who was I outside of all the hostility, anger and toxicity of those around me? Was there someone underneath all of that sadness and fear that was happy and lighthearted? Someone who was good and kind? Someone who had something to offer the world?

It's a journey that has taken many years, and I am still on it. I have done an incredible amount of work on myself, with therapists and spiritual advisors. Through affirmations, releasing, meditation, and learning new patterns. All in an effort to find someone better underneath the crap. The layers of shitty energy, deposited there by others, by my experiences, by choices I had made.

Because what we come from doesn't have to be where we stay. It doesn't have to be a life sentence. We always have a choice to change ourselves. No, we can't change our past, but we don't have to play the victim and stay in that place for the rest of our lives. Knowing that and doing something about it is empowering, it's taking your power back from those who made a point of taking it from you in the first place when you didn't even know what it was, or why it mattered. It matters because it's about not falling into victimization every time a problem arises in your life. Feeling like every bad thing that happens is a battle to be fought, that people are constantly out to get you. And wallowing in self-pity every time something goes wrong; or not the way you want it to go.

That's a crappy way to live your life. And it is a choice. I finally realized that after a year long bad experience; one that I had chosen to enter. I realized I needed to unbutton that cloak, and cast it off. Throw it to the ground and leave it there. Because when we react that way, it's like saying every time, that we have no control over what is happening. That we have no role to play. No responsibility in what is occurring. It's someone else's fault. I am a victim. Someone has done this to me. I have been put upon. Someone has taken my power.

The truth is, no one can take your power, unless you allow them. How you react, what you say, what you allow, impacts how things will play out. We all have a role in our own experiences. Sometimes it's not even what is happening, but how we look at it. I can have an experience and be grateful for the positive that comes out of it. Someone else can look at the same experience and be angry and accusing, because they are focusing on the one negative aspect of it. Harp on that one negative thing and turn it into a blamestorming session.

It's a choice to see only the bad, or the things that have gone wrong and give them a life of their own. To continue to create negative experiences by focusing, talking about and harping on them. We attract what we focus on. The Universe is neutral. It will give you what you focus on. It's up to us to remember that. Otherwise we spend our time in a cycle of bad experiences and once again, feeling like victims. The irony is that we have inadvertently created it; through all that focus, complaining and whining.

I used to think complaining was a sign of a person who feels powerless. But it's more than that. It's a person who thinks they are a victim. And the cycle continues. So this is the reason to keep your self-talk, conversations and thoughts positive and empowering.

That's how we change the cycles and the patterns we get into in our lives. By making a different choice, we get a different result. We create our own lives though these experiences. Sometimes; if we knew how powerful we were in creating, we would change what we do and say in a heartbeat. But it requires work. It demands consistency and persistence. Changing that mindset and those behaviors. It's how we change the direction of our lives.

I still go there sometimes when I am upset, spewing frustrated comments. Voicing that aggravation. Then I catch myself and I stop; remembering what I am really doing. That I am creating more of it and hurting myself, with stuff I don't want in the first place. Playing the victim.

And I will continue to practice this, no matter how long it takes to form new patterns. Because the new patterns create a new life, more positive experiences. And negative people do not like being around positive people. They find reasons to avoid you. The energy doesn't vibe. That in turn creates more positive. And then life starts to look different. Better. Promising. Happy.

Despite the work, it's worth it. You obtain quality of life. And that makes the journey truly worthwhile.